faq u h8ters

writing used to come so naturally to me, now I find it so hard to express myself.

it's so gloomy today

I'm so good at numbing myself and pushing things aside. No, I'm not miserable.

I've always had a basic outline of my future, I knew what I wanted, where I wanted to be, who I wanted to become and how I was going to reach my ambitions from the very beginning. As exciting as uncertainty is, it's scaring the fuck out of me. Over the years I feel as though I slowly changed into someone I don't like. My drive and need to succeed was shown through my eyes, my heart, my choices, my face and my actions then I surrounded myself with people who just didn't care and I saw myself change into that. Someone who didn't care if they weren't going to be anybody. I'm so disappointed in myself. I've never cared what anybody else thought of me but I care what I think of me and right now, (in a non self loathing way) I hate myself. 

Passionate. I think that is the best way to describe me. In almost everything and everyone I do (hehehe) I give my heart and soul and sometimes it's my biggest flaw because the only one that doesn't have all my effort and time is me. I seemed to have lost who I was, I'm CATRINA FUCKING TAN. All the negativity in my life has gone and passed. It's time to give my heart and soul back to me. I'm going to shit in all your faces, all who didn't believe. They say it takes a lifetime to find your purpose in life but I already know what I was sent here to do: inspire and impact. I'm going to be big someday, you wait and see.